How to Be a Good Friend to Someone with a Mental Illness

The Best Ways You Can Support the People You Love

Friendships are all about being there for each other. Showing up for your friends can look like sending a text, bringing flowers by, or even just listening when they feel like they need someone to talk to. When it comes to supporting someone with a mental illness, though, it can feel hard to know what the right thing to say or do is. Mental health can move up and down, and when one of your friends is feeling low, here are some ways that you can support them:

Understanding Mental Health

What is mental health? Mental health is largely responsible for the things we say and do. It influences our mood, our actions, and even our physical bodies. 

In the mental health sphere, there are different mental illnesses. These can be treated with counseling and therapy or medications. Some common examples of different mental illnesses include: 

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Eating Disorders
• Mood Disorders

More and more mental health experts are seeing people open up and talk about the struggles they face with their mental health, helping eliminate the stigma around it. However, there are still plenty of common misconceptions.

Dealing with a mental illness does not always have to be a lifelong journey. It can be treated in many different ways, and people who have mental illnesses can still lead very full and productive lives. Children and adults alike can experience mental health issues, but working with professionals and having a supportive group of friends and family can help.

Recognizing the Signs

It’s possible that you have a friend that you suspect is suffering from a mental health disorder, but you don’t have any confirmation. The best thing you can do is learn the signs that indicate your friend might be struggling and navigate the best way to support them through it. 

Note any changes in behavior, isolation, or change in daily activities. When you see signs of their mental health shifting, try to avoid diagnosing them yourself. A professional evaluation is the best option for them, and though you may have great advice to offer, working with professionals is the best way to get to the root and find a treatment plan.

Starting the Conversation

It’s all about approach and intention. If your friend is in a reactive headspace, it may not be a good time to ask them about their mental health. Instead, try to gauge how they are feeling by asking simple questions like, “How are you,” or “What have you been up to lately?” These questions are common and likely won’t set off any internal alarms.

From there, you can let your friends share what they feel comfortable discussing. They may want to avoid the conversation of how they are, or they may end up opening up to you. The best thing you can do is avoid pressuring them and be the best listener you can be. 

Listening without judgment can allow people to open up and build trust in you. If your friend is suffering from a mental illness, diagnosed or not, they will need people who feel supportive and without expectations. Practice ways of expressing concern without making any big assumptions.

Being Supportive

When it comes to being supportive, it can be difficult to know what to say. There’s a fine balance between being honest and being rude at times. When one of your friends is struggling, try to consider the following:

Do:

• Tell them they are loved
• Let them know you are here for them
• Ask them questions about themselves and listen to their answers

Don’t:

• Accuse your friend of not being present
• Interrogate them for answers
• Ignore the struggles they are facing
• Avoid talking to them because you don’t know what to say

Friendships aren’t about fixing each other; they are about accepting each other. Consistent support to a friend in need goes a long way, and feeling fully accepted can help them feel safe turning to you during hard times. 

Supporting your friends can look like words of affirmation, but it can also look like inviting them to things without placing any pressure on them. Including them but giving them the space they need can help them feel wanted and loved without making them feel like they are letting you down if they don’t come.

Encouraging Professional Help

Finding a way to suggest seeking professional help gently can also be a form of supporting a friend. This shouldn’t look like you exploding and saying they need help in a fit of frustration. Instead, it should look like you saying, “I understand that life feels heavy right now and that there are some things outside of your control. Have you thought about finding help and support?”

There are plenty of resources and helplines for people seeking immediate help, but there are also great resources that your friends can get through counseling offices. It can feel scary and unknown when it comes to helping a friend through mental health issues, but the more patient and supportive you are, the more they can open up and prepare themselves to embark on a journey to wellness. 

Setting Boundaries

One thing that is also important to remember in the wake of helping your friend is that your own mental health matters, too. Sometimes, we immerse ourselves so fully into others that we begin to neglect our boundaries and lose sight of our own mental health. 

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, but when you feel yourself neglecting self-care, it might be time for you to take a small step back. That might look like having a day to yourself or it might look like saying you won’t be able to meet up for coffee this week. We can only be as good a friend to others as we are to ourselves. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Your job in your friend’s life is not to be their therapist. Give them a space to talk, but know that you aren’t responsible for fixing their problems. Sometimes, suggesting professional help or guidance is the best form of support.